We’re all for creativity here at ViralNova, and we like to celebrate everyone’s artistic expression. After all, that’s what makes the world go ’round. We also love autumn, the season of Halloween, crunchy leaves, and pumpkin spice everything. Combine the two, and you can get some awesome seasonal fashions and crafts perfect for welcoming the chilly weather and changing leaves.
And then sometimes, you get these.
We’ll be the first to say that everyone here gets a gold star for effort and that there is some serious skill behind these items. But that’s not stopping the cloud of befuddlement over us while we take in these autumnal fashions we found on Etsy, everyone’s favorite crafting site.
1.) Brain Hat
Etsy/tomspecsdiggs These brain hats are made to order, so if you have any neurological anomalies, be sure to let the creator know so they can include it in yours. It also comes in a greenish grey if you’re going for the zombie look.
2.) Dangling Cat Earring
Etsy/JEWELRYandPLEASURE If you’re tired of getting the same old compliments like “nice earrings,” you can get this two-part earring that looks like a tiny cat snagged itself in your earlobe. Soon, you’ll be hearing “How did that get there?” and “Maybe you should get that looked at.”
3.) Woman Necklace
Etsy/RaeStimson I don’t think this was meant to be a costume piece, but having a body around your neck is always appropriate at a Halloween party, so here you go. Made of felted wool, this necklace calls to mind medieval tortures and slasher movies. Accessorize with splashes of blood.
4.) Yoda Dog Hat
Etsy/HandmadeMonster Why only inflict crocheted madness on yourself when you can inflict it on innocent creatures?
5.) Turkey-Shaped Turtle Cozy
Etsy/MossyTortoise Dogs shouldn’t be the only ones to rock the crocheted fashion. Your turtle…excuse me, tortoise…needs to be seasonally fashionable, too. And what better way to do this than to dress it like a dead, roasted bird? It’s just common sense.
6.) Sexy Gramophone Costume
Etsy/RaeStimson Just when you think the “sexy” Halloween costumes had smut-ified everything you ever held dear, an intrepid designer comes along and says, “You know what could be really sexy as a Halloween costume? Vintage audio equipment.” Thus, the sexy gramophone costume was born. It’s also made of felted wool, so you can be sure it’s extra itchy, and the disclaimer states that it does not, in fact, play music. We think it’s really the least it could do.
7.) Turkey Feather Headdress
Etsy/bwilkerson74 A practical and not at all offensive to anyone’s culture accessory for your next autumnal get together.
8.) Turkey Hat
Etsy/BoutiqueTreat I understand that knitting feathers is tricky, but why one would substitute condoms for reference material is beyond me.
9.) Clown Hair Clip
Etsy/JuJuEyball Spur everyone’s coulrophobia with this menacing accessory. To their credit, the creator of this circusy barrette knows just how creepy this is.
10.) Couple’s Glove
Etsy/KnitterPrincess Nothing says love quite like “forcibly attached at the wrist.” These gloves (this glove?) communicates the feeling of being trapped with another person for the sake of convenience quite well. Hope you didn’t plan on doing anything on your own today.
11.) BONUS! Chocolate Pretzel Turkey Pops
Etsy/candyscandies No, just stick these right in your mouth. That immature giggling you hear? Totally unrelated.
We encourage everyone to get creative, but for these very reasons, we also encourage getting feedback before posting stuff online. When your friends say “That looks weirdly phallic” or “I could see Buffalo Bill wearing that,” please take it into serious consideration.